My Dreams

June isToday, June 1, 2014, is the first day of 2014 Migraine & Headache Awareness Month. Migraine & Headache Awareness Month (MHAM) is an annual observation in the United States with the goal of building awareness, educating the public and reducing the stigma associated with Migraine, Cluster Headache and other Headache Disorders. The 2014 blog prompt theme is “Dreaming of a World without Headache and Migraine.”

The MHAM Blog Challenge prompt for today is: “It’s been said that patients who are able to talk about what they would do without their Headache or Migraine tend to be less depressed and more hopeful. Some patients have lost the ability to dream about their lives without the present taking hold and destroying their ability to dream of something better. ‘What would you do if your dream of a pain and a completely symptom free life, came true?’”

This is both easy and hard for me. Easy because I can name a number of things I would love to be able to do that are very difficult or impossible for me right now. The difficult part will be in being able to express just how much I want/need these things.

Since my migraines have become pretty much a daily thing, I have had to quit working and have applied for disability. This has many consequences that I am unhappy about and would love to change.

First, I want my children to have good role models in their lives. Between the 3 parent figures my children in their lives, not one of us is working. Their father is on disability, their step father is on disability, and I have applied for it. I don’t want them to think this is the way it should be. I am trying very hard to at least tell them that there is a better life out there and that not working is most likely not the life they should have.

I want to be able to give my children everything they need. It’s very tight trying to live off one person’s disability. The only way we are even remotely able to do it is because we live with Ted’s dad. If not for this, I’m not sure what we would do.

I want to be able to work again. I miss the interaction with people. I hate feeling like a drain on society instead of a contributor. I miss being able to help people. I miss adult interaction in general. Yes, I have Ted and his dad, but it’s not the same. This is a very small town, I’m not able to get out much, and I have missed many of my children’s activities. All of this contributes to me not interacting with people like I used to.

I feel bad that Ted is missing out on all the things he used to do. He used to have gaming nights with his friends at least once a week. He used to be able to help out with his kids a lot more than he can now.

My children keep asking me to read them a bedtime story or sing to them before bed. Because of my migraines, I tend to go to bed long before they do. This disappoints all of us. I want to be more of a presence in their lives, not just someone who sits around unable to do things with them.

Migraine & Headache Awareness

Migraine & Headache Awareness

**All pictures link to original site.

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4 thoughts on “My Dreams

  1. I can identify with feeling guilty for not being able to work. I watch my husband leave exhausted everyday only to come back to help me cook and clean or do it all by himself; but we can only do what we can do. Governmental assistance was created for people with real illnesses that disable them and that’s what chronic migraine does. So please try not to feel guilty. If it weren’t for my hubby, I’d be living off of my parents or receiving disability myself.

    When I stopped working in 2008, I tried a number of jobs from home that failed (very discouraging). I felt so worthless. And friends kept giving me little things to do to help us but I kept having to call in sick (so embarrassing). So we decided that I would be a housewife (not good at that either lol – my pain doesn’t allow it). Then in 2012, I took a jewelry making class (on a good day), with a friend and now I do that while sitting in bed (I may have blogged about this – if not I will lol). Some of them have sold yay! But it’s far from bringing in a weekly salary but it makes me feel good about myself.

    I’ve tried to get them in local retail stores with no success (another blow to the self-esteem), but whatever happens I have a hobby. When the body of work grows I show the pieces at trade shows. If I can’t attend my hubby and parents go for me. Again without them much of this wouldn’t be possible. Anyhoo, I’m rambling. Like I said I’ll write a blog.

    But please try not to feel guilty. The more I blog, the more I find that there are many people like you and me. Our pain is invisible but it’s real and it’s excruciating.

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    • Thank you. I do try to not feel guilty. It’s not easy, but I try. I’ve thought about doing something like jewelry making, or some other craft that would be relaxing when I need it to be. I can remember my mom and grandma making plastic canvas things and selling them. That might even be better since I already know how to do it.

      Thank you for the encouragement as well as the reminder that I am not alone. It helps so much.

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      • Yaaaaaay!!! I’m glad it helped :). BTW I take my hat off to all mothers with migraine (forgot to say). Especially chronic migraine sufferers. I don’t know how you all do it. You all must be given an extra special amount of endurance the minute your precious ones come into the world.

        I had a whammy yesterday. In the heat of it while I was squirming to find a comfortable position on my pillow, with the ice pack on my head (my husband was at work), I thought, “Wow what would I do if I had a baby!”

        Take care and I’m gonna tell you what my husband tells me that I’m still working on doing lol: Focus on what you can and are doing and not on what you can’t. 🙂

        – Skylar 🙂

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