Grief

Flowers of Grief So I just found out today that my grandpa is dying. He was diagnosed with ALS in late May. He’s been asking to see me these last few months and we were hoping I would be able to go down in November.

Fading

Fading

Crying

Crying

I got a call from his social worker today. She said he’s been very ill the last few days. He doesn’t want to get out of bed and does not want to eat. He has been moaning in his sleep; they said it means he’s in a lot of pain. They’ve put him on round the clock pain meds.

Goodbye

Goodbye

The hospice company was trying to come up with the money to fly me down there to see him before he goes. They weren’t able to, so we are going to try to Skype instead.

No More Pain

No More Pain

Purple Pain

Purple Pain

I’ve been crying on and off since the call. I want to see him. I feel bad that I can’t go. If only I had saved more money over the years, I would be able to go.  So on top of the pain of losing him, I’m feeling guilty that I can’t fulfill his last request of me.  While I know I shouldn’t considering my circumstances, I still do.

Leaving

Leaving

**All pictures link to original site.

Update:  The roller coaster is out to get me.  I got a call this afternoon from my grandpa’s social worker again.  She was with Grandpa and wanted to see if I wanted to talk to him.  He wasn’t able to talk to me, but he opened his eyes as soon as he heard my voice.  He also tried to talk but wasn’t able to.  About an hour or so later, she called me again to say they were able to get the funds for a plane ticket and did I still want to come down.  Long story short, I am leaving Spokane tomorrow morning and I’ll be back Friday night.

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3 thoughts on “Grief

  1. Don’t feel bad, he has to realize that there’s nothing you can do. Just focus on making the most out of what you have left. Know that you have people that will support you through this. *hugs*

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  2. No need to feel guilty or bad. This is a situation no one ever wants to deal with and there is no right answer to go or not to go. In your heart and his heart you know how much love you have for each other. If you can talk with him, try to do that. It should make your heart feel good that you at least got to speak with each other. My Father passed away in his sleep without any warning to the family that his time would have come to an end. I feel like I never got to say Goodbye. But I talk with him whenever I have a quiet moment to myself and I know he hears me and send me answers via signs for this is what I believe and one day we will meet again.

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