Long Overdue Update

Where to begin?

I think I’ll start with the fires. If you have seen any news about WA state lately, you will know that there are numerous wildfires right now. We are in that middle zone of not being close enough to be in danger, but still close enough to be very bothered by the smoke. Both Ted and I have been suffering from it. He is asthmatic and has been having some trouble breathing. For me, the smoke has been affecting my sinuses. Those in turn have been affecting my migraines. Add to that, the wind has picked up. While it drives away the smoke, the wind itself also affects my migraines. It has not been pleasant.

Sleep has always played a factor in my migraines. One of the medications I take is specially for that issue. This past week, I haven’t been sleeping well. I’m not sure why. Going to sleep is taking longer, staying asleep isn’t happening. I’m not staying awake for any length of time when I do wake up, but it’s enough to make my head throb.

School starts in a week. This week, I am getting my girls up at the normal school time to get them started getting used to it. This also means that I can’t at least try to sleep in. I might try going back to bed after I get them up, showered, and dressed, but I don’t feel that is fair to them.

I have also started coloring again. This I am enjoying immensely. It is as calming as Zentangle but easier to put down and take a break if I need to. You can see some of the things I have colored here.

That’s all for now. I’ll try to be better about keeping everyone up to date.

Cheers!

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Being Female

The last week has been agony.  I’ve discovered that the week leading up to my period is the worst for migraines.  Then there is the week of the period.  Between the migraines, the cramps, and the back pain, it’s almost enough to make me regret getting my tubes tied and losing my IUD.  I almost wonder if it would be beneficial to get a hysterectomy.  I know that it’s not guaranteed to help, but at least I wouldn’t have that week of pure hell.

On a different topic, I’m not going to push myself to make the big posts like I usually do.  Little ones like this are perfect.  I get my thoughts out and I think that just might be a good thing.  Baby steps.

Happy New Year

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Happy New Year

Happy New Year! My first New Year’s Resolution it to try to post something at least once a week. I feel that’s just often enough to keep me going without being so much that I burn out.

My second resolution I found here.   Every day I will concentrate on what I CAN do (and never dwell on what I can’t do).  What does this mean to me? Well, instead of worrying that I didn’t finish the laundry today (or even get it started), I will be ok with getting out of bed, getting the kids off to school, and feeding myself properly.

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Migraine Mosaic

It’s been awhile since I posted anything. I apologize for that. It’s been a rough month. The medication that was added a few months ago is no longer helping as much as it was. I’ve been meaning to call my neurologist about it and I either keep forgetting or my brain hurts too much to do much. I guess I could ask Ted to call, but I feel like it’s my responsibility. Is that me being silly? I know he will help if I ask, but should I?

I’ve never been good at asking for help.  It’s gotten worse as my migraines have gotten worse.  It’s hard admitting to not being as strong as you should be.  I think it’s even worse being a parent and have chronic pain.  I don’t want my kids to see me as weak.  Nor do I want them to think this is a normal thing.  I want to be a good role model for them and I don’t feel like I am.

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Migraine Eyes

I’m also hoping to boost awareness as much as I can.  I’m going to research as much as I can what I can do to educate people.  It frustrates me how little I know.  It’s even more painful when others don’t know what is needed to help those of us who have migraines.

 

If you let people into your life a little bit, they can be pretty damn amazing. ~ Sherman Alexie

 

**All pictures link to original site.

A World Without Migraines

imagesJune is Migraine & Headache Awareness Month. Migraine & Headache Awareness Month (MHAM) is an annual observation in the United States with the goal of building awareness, educating the public and reducing the stigma associated with Migraine, Cluster Headache and other Headache Disorders. The 2014 blog prompt theme is “Dreaming of a World without Headache and Migraine.”

The MHAM Blog Challenge prompt for today is: ““A Whole New World” video from the movie Aladdin.”

If I had better control of my migraines, the world would be new to me. I could once again do all the things I used to. I could try all the things I want to, but don’t for fear of causing a migraine.

More than anything, I want to be able to enjoy my children’s music programs. Right now, they are so painful for me that I don’t even go. It’s not fair to my kids and it’s not fair to me.

Just the other day, Ted and I were talking about going to something like Lollapalooza. I bet that would be so much fun. All the people and the all day concerts.

One of Ted’s friends has a birthday party at Chuckie Cheese every year. I would like to be able to handle that so we could go.

I want to be able to walk out of my house without a pair of sunglasses. I want to be able to see everything in it’s natural color and beauty.

I want to be able to plan a trip without having to worry about my migraines making it impossible to drive.

A world without migraines would definitely be “A Whole New World”.

A Whole New World - One without migraines.

A Whole New World – One without migraines.

 

**All pictures link to original site.

I Am Enough

imagesJune is Migraine & Headache Awareness Month. Migraine & Headache Awareness Month (MHAM) is an annual observation in the United States with the goal of building awareness, educating the public and reducing the stigma associated with Migraine, Cluster Headache and other Headache Disorders. The 2014 blog prompt theme is “Dreaming of a World without Headache and Migraine.”

The MHAM Blog Challenge prompt for today is: ““The Power of Vulnerability” video that will make you laugh, cry, and laugh again.”

This really made me think. Do I really live this way? Do I need to expand my perception?

“If you can’t measure it, it doesn’t exist.” When it comes to migraines, we are asked to measure our pain. Do I need to measure just the head pain or are you asking for my discomfort in general? How do I separate these?

Living life with chronic pain makes you very vulnerable. You have to rely on others for help. You can’t do all that you want/need to. This makes it hard to be kind to yourself, which brings shame and fear. You are ashamed that you can not take care of yourself. You are afraid that those you depend on will not be there the next time you need them. This can make you try to distance yourself from them in order to not be as hurt when they disappear. When they do go, you blame them. It hurts less to think they are not good enough for you than for you to know that you are the reason they left.

It’s time for us to connect with ourselves. We need to know who we are instead of pretending to be what we think we should be. We have to be kind to ourselves instead of beating ourselves up for “mistakes”. We have to remember to feel all of our emotions, or we will feel none of them. If we believe we are worthy of love, we will know it when it is offered to us. When we hurt someone to keep them from hurting us, we have to acknowledge that we are wrong. We have to say, “I’m sorry. I’ll fix it.”

We have to believe that we are enough.

I *am* enough.

Migraine Changes

Migraine Changes

 

**All pictures link to original site.

I Dare You

imagesJune is Migraine & Headache Awareness Month. Migraine & Headache Awareness Month (MHAM) is an annual observation in the United States with the goal of building awareness, educating the public and reducing the stigma associated with Migraine, Cluster Headache and other Headache Disorders. The 2014 blog prompt theme is “Dreaming of a World without Headache and Migraine.”

The MHAM Blog Challenge prompt for today is: ““Dare You”. Derek Hough and Amy Purdy dance to this inspiring song by Hardwell. See full lyrics here.”

We are all different people and have different dreams. Some dreams seem hard simply because we have obstacles in our path. While most obstacles are not of our making, some we put there ourselves. We tell ourselves that we can’t get over, around, or through them.

As children, we believe we can be anything. I have a daughter who wants to be a princess when she grows up. As adults, we are blocked by what we call “reality”. Why should this be the case? Why can’t we go chasing our dreams?

As a migraine sufferer, I dream of a life without migraines. While this is most likely not a possibility, I refuse to give up. I will keep working with and pushing my doctor to help me find what works to lessen not only the severity of the pain, but also the frequency. I will not allow myself to continue to live in this prison of pain.

Now for the challenge: I dare YOU. I dare you to chase your dreams, whatever they are. Find a way around the obstacles. Live the life you dream of.

I dare you.

Migraine Dreamcatcher

Migraine Dream Catcher

Field of Dreams

Field of Dreams

 

**All pictures link to original site.

Making Changes

imagesJune is Migraine & Headache Awareness Month. Migraine & Headache Awareness Month (MHAM) is an annual observation in the United States with the goal of building awareness, educating the public and reducing the stigma associated with Migraine, Cluster Headache and other Headache Disorders. The 2014 blog prompt theme is “Dreaming of a World without Headache and Migraine.”

The MHAM Blog Challenge prompt for today is: “Why Change is So Hard” video.

This goes hand in hand with yesterday’s topic for me. I know that I need to change. I know it will be hard. I will have to pay careful attention to everything, but especially to my self control. I want to push myself just hard enough to accomplish my goals but I don’t want to exhaust myself and give up.

The phrase “what looks like laziness could actually be exhaustion” really struck me. There are times I know I look lazy. My fiance does the cooking and a great majority of the housework. I try to help when I can. Most days, however, I am exhausted from fighting with a migraine.

It will take time to make the changes needed, but I will do it.

Migraine Wheel

Migraine Wheel

Wheels of Time

Wheels of Time

 

**All pictures link to original site.